your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my poor anus
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
