Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
