There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
