we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
