if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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