the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
