FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
