A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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