i just wanna soil my oats bro
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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