What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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