she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
