If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
