I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize