overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
