Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
