I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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