I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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