The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
