my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
