i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
