I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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