You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
