ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
