apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
