Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
