Can Purell be used as lube?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
