im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
