I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize