im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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