you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
