I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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