last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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