I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
