i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
