People in love make me want to vomit
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Let's get the cat blown out
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize