I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
