you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize