He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
