i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
