it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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