Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
