Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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