It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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