If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize