Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize