"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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