we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
