toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
