I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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