Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
