She announced her abortion via fbk
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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