I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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