I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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