I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
