Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Are we still banned from the library?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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