OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
