i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Found your dick twin last night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
