that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize