I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
tonight lets celebrate not being married
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
