shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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