Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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