dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
