fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
