In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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