All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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