Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
