I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she woke up with a sticky ear
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
