it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
