just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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