i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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