The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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