John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How external is "for external use only"?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
