you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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