I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
