On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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