Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
