I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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