I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
