we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
