Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
