the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
