Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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