i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize