just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
