i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
