Four minutes until I can fart!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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