There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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