He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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