i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
