WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
