Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
