i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
