WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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