If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
