I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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