My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
