Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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