if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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